The B.L.A.Z.E. Blog Post Series Day 1
47) Fuck Starbucks
By: Johnny Blaze
Ask the Barista for a Pumpkin Spice
At the same time see me super kick your head, fuckin’ right
“That wasn’t nice”
So what bitch? Didn’t cha know, now I’m cold as ice!
Did you also know their coffee beans come straight from El Salvador?
Bunch of bastards
They know my people’s coffee’s great so they bullied them and took their answers
They make me sick, thinking it’s original to play Twister
Bitch you in a mid-life crisis!
You watch too much Seinfeld, now you just Julia-Louis Dreyfus
What goes on in a person’s mind when they enter this café?
“Hmm… Should I get the espresso or the mocha latte?”
Get the fuck atta here with that noise,
Such thoughts probably come from the minds of hipster gay boys
Y’all spend bucks and feel like a star
But you could be using that money for the gas in your car
But wait I forgot, you’re into the whole “environmentally friendly” type of vehicles
So you drive a Prius and own a swimming pool
That seems all cool, except for one thing
You’re watching too much F.R.I.E.N.D.S. so you think you’re funny like Chandler Bing
Then there’s that crowd of people who sit at a table, type on their laptop with their headphones plugged into their ears
And I get why they’re so comfortable; it’s because Wi-Fi is here
Well my dear I hate to destroy your world,
But just because you buy something from Starbucks, doesn’t make you a white girl
Matter of fact, fuck hipsters, they all stupid and they suck
“Can I take your order?”
Yeah, fuck Starbucks!